Txt You Later
by Madame Mayor
Summary: Once Upon A Time... every fairytale character you've ever known... turns out to be a texter! (I do not own anything.) Co-written by Scarlet Phlame, published with her permission.
1. Chapter 1

Emma: all right, who gave hook a phone

Charming: hook has a phone?

Emma: NOOOOOOOOO

Charming: ?

Emma: not u 2!

Charming: What?

Emma: hook has been driving me insane, he wont stop with the '?' thing!

Charming: ...

Emma: hey, it gets annoying when u r on the receiving end of it

Charming: Sure

Hook: ?

Emma: AGH

Hook: I enjoy this device ;)

Emma: GET OUT

Hook: how can I get out, love, i'm txting u :)

Charming: Oh gawd

Hook: ?

Charming: I c wat u mean now emma

Hook: ?

Charming: Emma(question mark)

Hook: ?

Charming: EMMA!

* * *

Regina: Snow White killed my mother! She MUST pay for what she's done.

Emma: ok... thats creepy as hell

Emma: hello?

Charming: NOOO! NOT THE '?' AGAIN!

Emma: Ok... but wats up with the whole "she must pay 4 wat shes done" thing

Hook: she sends it to everyone, love :)

Charming: stay away from my daughter, im warning you!

Charming: i'm a rainbow belt in karate!

Hook: oooh im so scared :)

Hook: ?

Snow: i think im just gonna go let regina kill me

Charming: Wait... what was that

Emma: brb

Charming: snow

Charming: emma

Charming: ANYONE

Hook: ?

* * *

Cora: :)

Hook: whats that

Cora: :)

Hook: isnt that my thing

Cora: MINE!

Hook: ok...

Cora: :)

Hook: ur really starting 2 scare me now

Cora: :)

Hook: Umm

Cora: :)

Hook: LET THIS BE WAR

Cora: :)

Hook: ?

Cora: :)

Hook: ?

Cora: :)

Hook: ?

Cora: :)

Hook: ?

Cora: :)

Hook: ?

Cora: :)

Hook: ?

Cora: :)

Hook: ?

Cora: :)

Hook: ?

Cora: Be right back, I'm going to go kill some peasants now.

Hook: ?

Cora: :

* * *

Gold: And you press "send" to post it out into the chat room.

Belle: Ok, i see

Gold: Done!

Belle: yay now i can text! :)

Cora: STAY AWAY FROM MY SMILEY FACE, NOOB!

Belle: ?

Gold: ?

Belle: What was that

Gold: no clue

* * *

Regina: You can't find me! I'm a snake in the grass!

Emma: I can c u through ur kitchen window, ur eating cereal and watching

football

Regina: Stalker.

Emma: Is that "Whole Foods" cereal?

Regina: Umm... no.

Emma: bc the box looks like it

Regina: Umm... no.

Emma: You eat Whole Foods cereal(question mark)

Regina: Maybe

Emma: Too bad 4 u, Whole foods just blew up due to henry and dynamite

Charming: there were innocent people in there!

Regina: And gluten-free cereal!

Emma: ...

* * *

Regina: Oh, gluten-free cereal. I shall forever mourn you.

Henry: mom, why is there a cereal box on the counter that had "RIP" written on it in Sharpie?

Regina: No reason. But, is it true that you blew up Whole Foods?

Henry: maybe

Regina: Henry, did you?

Henry: JK, no I didn't

Henry: Where would i get explosives anyway

Regina: Ok... well, only because I trust you.

Regina: Wait a minute... where did you get that phone?

Henry: Umm...

Regina: HENRY?

Henry: What

Regina: Did you steal that phone?

Henry: Umm... nope

Hook: Stop using my '?'! It's mine!

Regina: No, it isn't, and after I cast this spell to remove '?', you won't ever see it

again!

Hook: thts some dark feelings right there, luv

Henry: im... i think... i think im gonna go play Emma's wii now... bye

Regina: Henry!

Regina: Get back here, young man!

Regina: Whose phone is that?

Hook: AGH


	2. Chapter 2

Henry: emma! Help!

Emma: what is it, kid

Henry: my mom's gone crazy and she wants to avenge the death of her gluten-free cereal!

Emma: What

Henry: yeah! she ran out of the house fifteen minutes ago, she had her dart gun in hand!

Emma: she has a dart gun(question mark)

Henry: yeah, it doesnt kill people tho, it just knocks them out

Emma: Did she say anything else before she left

Henry: umm... no

Emma: ok, hang on kid, come over to my house and im sure charming can take care of you, ok

Henry: ok

* * *

Emma: we have to take care of this Regina problem

Ruby: right... well...

Emma: Ok I texted Regina and she'll be here any second now.

Ruby: ok

Ruby: wait...

Ruby: shoot! I haf 2 go, I'm already late!

Emma: For what?

Ruby: granny wants to show me a vase I broke five years ago. it's a long story, bye.

Emma: Dammit, now who can help me take down regina(question mark)

Cora: :)

Emma: I thought u were dead...

Cora: :)

Emma: dude, thats freaky

* * *

Regina: Snow White, is it true your behind the explosion at Whole Foods?!

Snow: What?

Regina: Is it true?

Snow: Take a wild guess.

Regina: I'm being serious.

Snow: And I'm not.

Regina: I need a real answer!

Regina: (And I need a cooler looking dart gun.)

Snow: In all honesty regina i dont know what u r talking about

Regina: Thats too bad, because I still have the dart gun.

Snow: regina, you can't shoot me through ur iPhone, u know

Regina: Yes, I can. Magic, duh.

Snow: Regina? are you hiding in the bushes outside my house?!

Regina: Maybe.

*Pulls out the dart gun in bushes*

Snow: If you do so much as cock that dart gun... Charming will get u!

Regina: Go ahead and tell him.

Snow: I will.

Regina: Go ahead, I don't really care.

Snow: ...

*Regina shoots Snow*

Regina: You don't need to cock a dart gun!

* * *

Henry(on Snow's phone): hey grandpa where did snow go

Charming: Snow? is this a joke

Charming: wait... Henry? r u using grandma's phone?

Henry: yeah she left it on the bed

Charming: ...

Henry: Why r u taking so long to respond?

Charming: ...

Henry: Those little dots in the corner of the screen r really annoying, actually

Charming: ...

(In a new chat room)

Charming: NOOOO!

Henry: wat is it

Henry: y r we in a new chat room?

Charming: Don't

Charming: look

Charming: in

Charming: the

Charming: other

Charming: text

Charming: room

Henry: Y? an talking

like

this

Charming: I dont know, and dont look there because i sent a weird picture

Henry: ? y do u send grandma weird pictures?

Charming: no reason

Henry: um... ok


	3. Chapter 3

Henry: Umm... mom, y is grandma tied up in the basement?

Regina: No reason.

Henry: so u do admit to kidnapping her, then.

Regina: I never said I did.

Henry: i'm telling you on emma!

Regina: Don't do that, Henry!

Regina: Henry?

Regina: HENRY!

Emma: This is emma, henry stole my phone again. whats happening, y waz he txting u?

Cora: :)

Regina: What the...

Cora: :)

Regina: MOMMY?

Emma: well this conversation just became sufficiently awkward

Cora: :)

Regina: Aren't you dead?

Cora: :)

Emma: is this a joke or something?

Hook: STOP. USING. MY. HOOK!

Emma: it isn't a hook, hook, its a question mark.

Hook: whats that

Emma: GASP! you dont know what a question mark is?

Hook: well what is it luv

Emma: you put it at the end of a question, didnt anyone ever teach u grammer

Hook: no, luv, im a pirate. but i do know that "grammar" is spelled with an A.

Emma: ugh. stop. now. please.

Hook: no

Hook: ?

Hook: ?

Hook: ?

Emma: Regina! make him stop!

Hook: ?

Emma: cora!

Hook: ?

Emma: SOMEONE

Hook: I'm unstoppable, luv 8-)

Henry: grandpa! my mom tied up your wife, my grandma, emma's mom, and my moms stepdaughter up in the cellar!

Charming: four people? damn, that woman is crazy!

Henry: no, i mean, she just tied up Snow

Charming: oh

Henry: rnt u gonna go save her? u know, the whole "i will always find u" thing

Charming: actually, i think snow can take care of herself

Henry: y do u say that?

Charming: did i ever tell u that ur grandma tied me to a tree in the forest once

Emma: What did mom do?

Charming: emma? how long have you been here?

Emma: not long, i just went to go grab a coffee and then "I knew you were trouble" started playing

Charming: I knew you were trouble is ur ringtone?

Emma: maybe

Henry: umm... i think i'm gonna go play with my army figures... bye

Emma: nyway

Emma: Hook wont stop harassing me

Emma: its driving me insane

Hook: ?

Emma: AGH

Charming: AGH

Hook: lol like father like daughter ;)

Emma: STOP WITH THE WINKY FACES!

Hook: Gasp! was that an innuendo coming from EMMA

Emma: ...

Charming: stop it!

Hook: Listening to you complain isnt even fun anymore

Charming: Complain complain complain

Hook: AGH

Emma: thank u! u finally scared him off -_-

Charming: complain complain complain

Emma: U can stop now

Charming: complain complain complain

Emma: its getting old

Charming: ;-)

Cora: :)


	4. Chapter 4

Neal: So, r u really my dad's girlfriend?

Belle: No. I'm his pet fish

Neal: Ok

Unknown contact: :)

Neal: WHO WAS THAT

Neal: Leave a name!

Belle: umm

Gold: What's going on here? Bae?

Neal: we got a txt from an unknown cntct

Gold: Can you repeat that in English, please?

Neal: We got a text from and unknown contact

Gold: Close enough. Who was it?

Neal: it was an unknown contct

Gold: Hold on... it's Cora.

Belle: how do u kno that

Gold: Because she sent a smiley. She's the only creeper here who does that.

Belle: y?

Gold: Darling, she does that in every texting FanFiction in existence.

Belle: Wats Fanfiction?

Gold: Never mind.

* * *

Catwoman: hey luv

Emma: wth? Who is this?

Catwoman: Im ur worst nightmare

Emma: eww. go away

Catwoman: ?

Emma: What

Catwoman: ?

Emma: OMG

Catwoman: ?

Emma: Hook. is that u

Catwoman: yes, y, luv, cat got ur tongue

Emma: OMG. DYING.

Catwoman: what

Emma: who changed ur contact

Catwoman: what

Emma: ur contact name is "Catwoman"

Catwoman: Who is that

Catwoman: u know... i dont think i want to know

Emma: Omg. still dying

Catwoman: im not humored by this, swan

Emma: its funny

Catwoman: fine

Catwoman: I'll humor u

Catwoman: meow

Emma: it isnt fun when u rnt upset :(

* * *

_**Wow! Thank you, thank you, thank you! I'm really happy with all the attention this story is getting, sorry for the short chapter, future updates will be longer, I promise! Thank you all for the kind reviews, this is becoming my most popular story very quickly! :) Thank you again, and remember to R&R!  
**_

_**Thanks to Fabala Throp for the Catwoman idea!**_


	5. Chapter 5

Emma: So what did Regina do to u anyway when she had u tied up in her basement, anyway(question mark)

Snow: Nothing, she was actually pretty damned civil.

Emma: ...anyway, yd she let u go(question mark)

Snow: She found out her mother was alive. And that I wasn't actually the person who blew up Whole Foods.

Emma: man, who gets a vendetta against someone just for whole foods

Snow: She's a woman who's had her heart broken. And that can make you do unspeakable things.

Emma: deep, man, deep

Cora: I have a jar of hearts!

Captain Jack Sparrow: I have a jar of dirt!

Cora: Hearts!

Captain Jack Sparrow: Dirt!

Emma: What the hell

Emma: was that

Snow: Does a Captain Jack Sparrow even live in Storybrooke?

Emma: no friggin clue...

Archie: terrible news! terrible news!

Emma: theres always terrible news in this town

Emma: i guess that means that this town is terrible

Emma: y did i even come here anyway

Snow: Stop spamming! I'm trying to kill this creeper.

Emma: WHAT

Snow: Y'know, Minecraft.

Archie: guys! terrible news!

Emma: wat is it archie

Archie: someone ate all my chocolate!

Emma: that isnt terrible news, archie

Archie: you know what

Archie: ur right

Archie: it isnt terrible news

Archie: ITS CATASTROPHIC

Snow: Stop spamming me!

Archie: u people dont understand the beauty of chocolate... im going to lament over my loss elsewhere

Emma: that was weird

Emma: eh, snow, do u wanna go buy a burger later

Emma: maybe we should go shopping

Emma: i saw this really cute coat by the mall the other day

Emma: hello?

Snow: Stop spamming me! I'm trying to build a log cabin.

* * *

Emma: snow, Im going out now, and u haf to come with me

Snow: Why are you putting on a leather jacket? It's 95 degrees Fahrenheit outside.

Emma: Why r u texting me if u can c me? why dont u just shout or something

Snow: Answer my question first.

Emma: but...

Snow: But what?

Emma: idk i just said that to sound argumentative. but, rly, Y do u wanna kno why i'm wearing a leather jacket(question mark)

Snow: Because I'm your mother.

Emma: Fine... i just like leather

Snow: Mmm-hmm.

Emma: fine... im going on a date

Snow: With who?

Emma: No one

Snow: Really, who?

Emma: a cheesecake

Snow: Seriously.

Emma: MYOB

Snow: It is my business. You're my daughter.

Emma: Not telling

Snow: Fine. You're grounded.

Emma: Mom! not fair :(

Snow: Don't send me a pouty face, I've made up my mind.

Emma: But i wanna go!

Snow: Then tell me who.

Emma: fine... it might b neal

Snow: Gasp! You're going out with Neal?

Snow: You get back in the house right now, young lady!

Snow: You are still grounded!

Snow: Emma! Emma!

Snow: Maybe now would be a good time to shout.


	6. Chapter 6

Charming: mooooo

Regina: What the hell do you think you're doing texting me?

Charming: mooo

Regina: I will admit, you've got guts.

Charming: Mooooo

Regina: Just no charm.

Charming: moo

Regina: But, really, what are you doing here?

Charming: What i shouldve done long ago ;)

Regina: And what's that?

Charming: BRONIES AND PEGASISTERS UNITE!

Regina: OMG!

Charming: Brohoof /)

Regina: Brohoof (\

* * *

Snow: Emma.

Snow: Are you there?

Regina: No, but I am.

Snow: Piss of, Regina. I'm best friends with a werewolf.

Regina: And I have magic.

Snow: Never mind. Evil witch.

Regina: I suppose I am. But do you know what you are, Miss Blanchard?

Snow: What?

Regina: You

Snow: ?

Regina: Are

Snow: I don't like where this is going.

Regina: A

Regina: CEREAL KILLER

Snow: OMG!

Regina: Muahahaha. :-)

* * *

Snow: Waaaaah!

Emma: What's the matter?

Snow: Sniffle.

Emma: What?!

Snow: I went to the train station and I dropped my hat on the track and it got crushed by the train.

Emma: Bummer

Snow: It's murder! Shelly was my best friend.

Emma: ur hat has a name?!

Snow: Yes. :(

Emma: Does storyrbooke even have a train, though

Cobb: Let me tell you a riddle.

Emma: wtf? Who is this?!

Cobb: You're waiting for a train.

Snow: Poor Shelly.

Cobb: A train that will take you far far away.

Emma: Who is this! How did u get this contact?!

Cobb: You know where you hope this train will take you, but you can't know for sure.

Snow: Ok... Who is this?

Cobb: Yet it doesn't matter.

Cobb: Now tell me why!

Mal: Because you'll be togethernjdkshaauoaaaassisus ssbsnaksvshwjheeheidhjdicicy uckdnarwhaldjdjjsusysia

Snow: Wtf!

Emma: I am at a loss for words, four words. What the hell wasthat

Charming: moo

Regina: ;-)

Emma: OMG. Are you flirting with my dad, regina

Snow: OMG!

Charming: calm down, u guys. It was just a winky face.

* * *

Snow: Tacos

Charming: Tacos

Snow: Tacos

Charming: Tacos

Henry (using random phone): what does tacos mean grandma

Charming: henry, is that u

Henry: ya

Charming: where did u get a phone from?!

Henry: i found it next to the train tracks

Charming: does storybrooke even have a train?

Snow: YES! That's where Shelly died.

Charming: do i want to know who shelly was

Emma: no, youll get jealous

Henry: guys! What does tacos mean!

Charming: nothing

Snow: Nothing.

Emma: OMG!

Emma: no innuendos, guys, henrys here!

Henry: what does tacos mean?!

Emma: ill tell u when u get older, kid

Henry: :(

Emma: i thought u guys were more mature than that!

Snow: We are! How were we supposed to know that Henry would have a phone?

Charming: tacos

Henry: umm... im still here

Snow: Not now, Charming!

Emma: henry, close ur eyes

Henry: y

Emma: just do it!

* * *

Catwoman: Meow

Cora: Who the hell is this?

Catwoman: M E O W

Cora: Go away, or I'll turn autocorrect on!

Catwoman: But thats soooo unoriginal! i mean, come on, almost all these texting FanFictions have autocorrect on 'em. think of something urself.

Cora: ...

Catwoman: Neko Neko neko

Cora: What the hell?

Catwoman: neko means cat in japanese

Cora: I wish I hadn't asked.

Catwoman: ;-) Am i annoying yet, love?

Cora: Very. And I think I know who you are.

Catwoman: who am i? Im jean val jean!

Cora: Hook, stop, before I burn your ship down.

Catwoman: ok

Catwoman: But Im not hook

Catwoman: I'm CATWOMAN!

Cora: DAMN YOU!

Regina: Mother, where are you?

Cora: 7 days...

Regina: ...what?

Cora: 7 days...

Regina: Seven days? Until what?

Cora: 7 days...

Regina: ?

Cora: 7 days...

Catwoman: dam it

Regina: Who is this?

Cora: 7 days...

Catwoman: hook. i pissed off ur mother and now she wont stop with the '7 days' thing

Cora: 7 days...

Regina: Wow. What did you do?

Catwoman: this.

Catwoman: Neko neko neko

Regina: Ok. You can stop now.

Cora: 7 days...

Catwoman: c? she wont stop!

Cora: 7 days...

Catwoman: regina?

Cora: 7 days...

Catwoman: Regina!

Cora: 7 days...

Catwoman: REGINA!

Cora: :)

* * *

Catwoman: Javert has 24601 problems and jean val jean is all of them

Gold: Get the hell out of here, Hook. You aren't welcome here.

Catwoman: what the Frequently Asked Questions?! how did u know it was me?

Gold: I know it's you.

Catwoman: creeper

Gold: -_-

Catwoman: OMG! was that an emoticon from the Dark One?

Gold: ...

Catwoman: so posting this on facebook

Cora: 7 days...

* * *

Snow: You!

Neal: me?

Snow: Yeah, you, punk kid! You're Henry's father, right?

Neal: ya, y

Snow: F*** YOU!

Neal: what

Neal: do I know you?

Snow: No, but I know you.

Neal: ok... i dont think i like this town anymore.

Neal: well, not like I ever did.

Snow: Is it true you took Emma out on a date last night?!

Neal: no

Neal: she was hanging out with that hook guy

Snow: What the FAQ?

Neal: ya, its the truth

Snow: That's it, I'm going to go punch that pirate.

Neal: go right ahead. I'll be cheering u on. ;-)

Snow: Eww. Get lost, creeper.

Neal: im not a creeper

Snow: I was talking to my Minecraft.

Neal: ok.


	7. Chapter 7

Regina: My little pony, my little pony, ahhh ahhh ahhh ahhh my little pony! I used to wonder what friendship could be, until you all shared its magic with me! Big adventure, tons of fun!

Snow: What the fridge?

Regina: It's My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. The theme song, I mean.

Snow: OMG! I just spit out my coffee!

Snow: Wait, since we're both technically villains, are you INTENTIONALLY trying to be nice to me? OMG! Does that mean you TRIED TO MAKE ME LAUGH?!

Regina: I don't need the snarky attitude, Miss Blanchard.

Snow: Yep, that's what I thought.

Regina: Why is it you have a vendetta against quality children's television shows anyway?

Regina: Besides, it's better than Buffy The Vampire Slayer, anyway.

Snow: HOW DARE YOU INSULT BUFFY! I WILL KILL YOU WITH MY DIAMOND SWORD!

Regina: Who the FAQ thought that diamond was a good material to make swords with, anyway?

Snow: NOTCH DID, THAT'S WHO!

Regina: WHY ARE YOU SHOUTING?!

Snow: I DON'T KNOW! WHY ARE YOU SHOUTING?

Snow: ...anyway.

Snow: What's My Little Pony?

Regina: The best show ever. It consists of talking ponies. I love that show so much, you could consider me a "Pegasister".

Snow: LMCO!

Regina: LMCO?

Snow: Laughing my cat off.

Regina: Ok... You know, I thought your slave army of animals mainly consisted of bluebirds and all.

Snow: Eww. No way. Don't you realize that they would crap all over the place?

Regina: Good point.

Snow: Anyway...

Regina: What?

Snow: Umm...

Snow: How did you happen across My Little Pony, anyway?

Regina: How do you think? Henry was watching it, and I was cooking. I heard it from where I was standing, so I went over and watched an episode. Ever since then, I've been an avid fan.

Snow: Thank you for telling me your life story. -_-

Regina: Much obliged, Miss Blanchard.

Snow: Don't call me Miss Blanchard!

Snow: It makes me feel like I'm an old grandma!

Regina: ...

Snow: Bad word choice.

* * *

Emma: Neal?

Neal: what

Emma: I knew u were trouble when u walked in

Neal: wth

Emma: so shame on me that i flew me to places ive never been

Neal: what? dude... that doesnt even make sense. i didnt walk in, u did, remember? you know, you stole the stolen car thing. i was already sitting in the backseat when you came in. and u didnt even really walk in.

Emma: shut up! i'm trying to sass u.

Neal: Um... ok

Emma: a new notch in ur belt is all i'll ever be

Snow: NOTCH!

Emma: Mom? what the FAQ?! im trying to sass neal!

Snow: Sorry, sweetie. ;-)

Neal: what

Neal: OMG! Snow White is ur mom?!

Emma: maybe

Neal: well, if she is, she's hostile. she chased after me with a blue machine gun.

Snow: You mean a diamond machine gun.

Emma: does it matter?!

Snow: Yes. A lot.

Emma: I thought villains used good grammer... why did u talk in fragment sentences?

Snow: It's spelled grammar. R, sweetie.

Emma: O K, W

Snow: Bye! Off to go kill zombie pigmen. ;-)

Neal: why the frig does Snow White play minecraft?!

Emma: not talking 2 u

Emma: btw

Neal: What

Emma: who do u think u r

Neal: wth

Emma: Running round leaving scars, collecting ur jar of hearts

Neal: MAKE IT STOP!

* * *

Regina: Brohoof. /)

Charming: Brohoof. (\

Emma: what the hell is this brohoof I keep on hearing about?

Charming: OMG! u dont know what a brohoof is?!

Regina: Are you retarded or something? A brohoof is a high-five, only in My Little Pony style.

Emma: whats my little pony

Charming: THE BEST SHOW EVER. PERIOD

Emma: I just luv how u didnt use an actual period after "PERIOD"

Regina: Can we quit talking about periods?

Emma: OMG! waffles

Henry: what does waffles mean?

Regina: That's what she-

Emma: NO! DON'T!

Regina: I was just kidding. Why do you think I would put the little '-' at the end?

Henry: what does waffles mean?!

Emma: close ur eyes, henry, put the phone down, and step away from the device.

Henry: fdshkwebvfilubeiubwiubwelweibr

Emma: HENRY!

Emma: OMG!

Emma: RU OK?!

Henry: um... ya. I accidentally stepped on ruby's phone, tho

Emma: seriously?

Henry: then y did u tell me to close my eyes?!

Emma: -_-

Regina: You're so grounded.

Henry: Too bad! you arent my mom!

Charming: Umm... not to sound odd or anything

Charming: but i cant help but notice

Charming: that henry is kind of a jerk

Charming: I mean, regina DID raise him from birth... y'know

Emma: Nobody cares!

Emma: anyway, y r u even siding with her?

Charming: I wasn't siding with her.

Regina: ...

Henry: I HEARD THAT!

Snow: What's happening here?

Regina: Get lost, Miss Blanchard.

Snow: STOP CALLING ME THAT!


	8. Chapter 8

Charming: Am I a potato?

Charming: I think I am

Charming: am i

Charming: yep definitely a potato

Cora: Get a life!

Charming: Y R U accusing me of not having a life?

Cora: This fic has not been updated in like ten billion years, and you just started it again.

Charming: :(

Cora: Yeah. Emoticons will get you nowhere in life!

Charming: U suck

Cora: Sorry, not a vampire.

Charming: U stink

Cora: Not a skunk, either

Charming: U R ugly

Cora: Shut up!

Charming: No

Cora: I have magic.

Charming: Shutting up.

.

Charming: Am i a potato? I think I'm a potato

Gold: Why are you texting me?

Charming: I have no life

Gold: That much is clear.

.

Charming: I AM THE BANANA KING!

Ruby: ugh. gross

Charming: No wait i didnt mean that in a wrong way

Ruby: Plz stop

Charming: ...POTATO!

Ruby: EEW!

.

Charming: Go! Pikachu, I choose you!

Emma: dad?

Charming: Emma?

Emma: ...Why are you texting me shouldnt u be at the station doing paperwork

Charming: I am at the station doing paperwork ;)

Emma: plz never send me another winky face again

.

Charming: I'm bored

Cora: I have magic

Charming: Wrong contact

.

Charming: I'm bored

Snow: Get a life!

Charming: :(

.

Charming: I'm bored!

Belle: Busy

Charming: Doing what

Belle: Reading, you idiot!

Charming: :(

Charming: I'll make you talk to me!

Charming: Hi

Charming: Hi

Charming: Hi

Charming: Hi

Charming: Hi

Charming: Hi

Belle: I'm turning off my phone.

Charming: NOOOOO!


	9. Chapter 9

Neal: Emma

Emma: yeah

Neal: theres somethin' i have to tell u

Emma: wat

Neal: Im dating someone else

Emma: ...

Emma: what?

Regina: YES! The fop is cheating on the... um... dumb redhead!

Gold: Emma isn't redheaded.

Regina: I don't care.

Emma: Shut up!

Neal: Im breaking up with u

Regina: YES! THE FOP IS BREAKING UP WITH THE DUMB BLONDE VIA MESSAGING! THIS DAY COULD NOT GET BETTER!

Gold: She is a blonde.

Regina: I don't care.

Emma: please tell me ur joking.

Neal: Not

Emma: who is it

Neal: a fourteen year old girl

Regina: YES!

Hook: GASP!

Emma: Whats her name

Neal: her name is... April.

Emma: April?

Neal: Yes, april. April... FOOLS!

Emma: DAMN U!

Regina: ...What?

Neal: I pranked u! Happy April fools!

Emma: Im so mad right now

Regina: They aren't breaking up?

Gold: It appears not.

Regina: DAMN IT!

Emma: what did i ever do to you to make you hate me so much?

Gold: Wow. You're right. It really is stupid.

Emma: IM NOT BLONDE! I HAVE RED HAIR!

Gold: Sure. But, you know, even blondes have more intelligence than you. And I think you contradicted yourself.

(A/N: I'm sorry to blondes! I have nothing against them. Gold is just being a silly rabbit right now.)

Hook: oooooooooooh

Emma: There is nothing wrong with being blonde

Gold: Suuuuuuure.

Cora: Helloooooooooooo citizens of Storryyyyyyyyyyybroooooke!

Hook: OH MY GAWD WHO GAVE THE QUEEN A PHONE

Emma: I did. She seemed lonely

Gold: U dumb blonde!

Queen of Hearts: Off with everyones head!

Regina: Mother! You can't kill THAT many people.

Queen of Hearts: It was an April Fool's joke. But, for defying me, I will chop off your head.

Regina: Damn it...

* * *

Regina: I wasted cream chip paste.

Hook: ?

Emma: What the hell happened to Regina?

Regina: Cora was acing me leek a crayola moron.

Regina: And it's all bonfire I defied her.

Emma: OMG! AUTO CORRECT!

Jack: I love auto-correct.

Regina: *Queen was chasing me like a crazy maniac. And it's all bonfire I defied her.

Regina: *BECAUSE

Hook: I really really love autocorrect.

Regina: Beaver you, Morgana, you're jumping standing there like a Morris!

Morris: ?

Morgana: I did not come here from Merlin for this.

Regina: After Allison does, I'm combing four you.

Emma: LOL

David: dont stop. im taking screenshots.

Regina: Donut yours Jaguar!

David: I'm a jaguar now. o_e

Gold: Am I the only one who doesn't find this funny?

Regina: Probing.

Henry: :o)


End file.
